Thursday, September 28, 2006

It's the all-movie team!!

Randy Edsall held his Thursday media conference call. Not much news to report. Tight end Dan Murray practiced at full speed this week, and may or may not play. Defensive end Jason Ward is getting reps witht he scout team and could be getting closer. That's about it.

A couple of quick thoughts and observations...
  • I'm sick and tired of the T.O. hub-bub. But my physical therapist made an interesting comment about his injury. Both T.O. and Bill Parcells claim the injury, a fracture of the fourth metacarpal, occured during a block. Unlikely, my PT says. That injury is common in boxers, and is almost always the result of punching someone or something.

  • Some solid reads over the last week from Sports Illustrated. An experpt of Michael Lewis' new book on the evolution of the left tackle from last week's edition was interesting. This week's mag includes a feature on Steve Slaton of West Virginia and a smaller, notebook item on Army's turnaround.

  • I've been spending way too much time and money on lottery tickets the last few days. Do they accept people into gambler's anonymous for buying too many scratch-offs?

Since I have nothing else, and way too much free time apparently, here is my team of the all-time best football movie characters.

QB - Reno Hightower (played by Kurt Russell in Best of Times): "He's wearing his white shoes!" Kurt Russell plays Hightower, the ex-high school star now a down and out van detailer who is talked into replaying the biggest game of his high school career by Robin Williams -- who dropped the game-winning touchdown pass and has been haunted by it ever since. Russell played minor league baseball, and was believable as a quarterback. Also some funny lines in a very funny movie from the 80s. Honorable mention to Paul Crewe (the Burt Reynolds version) and Paul Blake (Scott Bakula in Necessary Roughness).

RB - Boobie Miles (from Friday Night Lights): "Watch me spin, coach. Y'all wanna win, put Boobie in". Miles, of course, was an actual player from H.G. Bissinger's book about the 1988 Permian High football team. Derek Luke nails the role. Some great lines, too. "I get straight A's. I'm a athlete." I also love the Boobie highlights in the season-opener set to Public Enemy's "Bring the Noise". Perhaps the best football movie ever made. Honorable mention: Omar Epps as Darnell Jefferson in The Program. Also to Sal Vucci from All the Right Moves, if only because he is a dedicated reader of "The Runway" blog.

WR - Rod Tidwell (played by Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry Maguire): OK, this isn't a football movie. It's a chick flick in disguise, just like Bull Durham is a chick flick disguised as a baseball movie. But whenever I'm flipping through the channels and come across Jerry Maguire, I'll pause long enough to see Rod Tidwell's scenes. "Jerry Maguire... How'm I doing? I'm sweating dude! I'm sweatin' my contract!" Honorable mention: Nick Nolte in North Dallas Forty.

Center - Manumana from Unnecessary Roughness: "Stop! Or you will anger me!" Nothing much to say about the performance from the 400-pound Samoan who played both ways. Oh, great sack dance.

CB - Stefan Djordjevic (played by Tom Cruise in All the Right Moves): "We didn't quit! You quit!" Long before he turned into a couch-jumping, Scientology-fueled weirdo, Cruise had a few good roles as high school-aged kids. Watching this movie, you didn't care that Cruise, at 5-foot-2 and 150 pounds, would never have been getting looks from college recruiters. He learned life lessons -- like play the man, not the ball; don't dump garbage on the coach's lawn -- and got to do a nude scene with Leah Thompson. Honorable mention: Dr. Death from Best of Times.

LB - Bobby Boucher (played by Adam Sandler in The Waterboy): This movie is so stupid at times it's painful. But there's also a ton of hilarious scenes. And Bobby Boucher knocking the crap out of people never gets old. "Jackknife Power Bomb. Courtesy of Captain Insaneo." I also think they should rename one of the Louisiana bowl games The Bourbon Bowl. Tell me you're not with me on that. Honorable mention: Charles Jefferson (played by Forrest T. Whitaker in Fast Times at Ridgemont High) and Ivory "Preacherman" Christian in Friday Night Lights.

K: Lucy Draper (played by Kathy Ireland in Necessary Roughness): Kathy Ireland at her finest in the early 1990's.

Coach - Wayne Hisler (played by the late Paul Gleason in Johnny B. Goode): Gleason is an actor I will truly miss. This is the guy who cracked me up as Clarence Beeks in Trading Places and Principal Vernon in The Breakfast Club, among other great roles. He's my coach mainly for the opening scene of this otherwise forgettable film, when he accentuates his pregame speech before the state championship game by putting his fist through a glass water cooler. Later, he predates Jack Cochrane by leaving his first string in the game even though it's 68-0, and barks to his offense "Punch it in there! I want another score!" The rest of the movie pretty much sucks. Honorable mention: Tony D'Amato (played by Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday), any of Craig T. Nelson's 35 football coaching roles, Billy Bob Thornton as Gary Gaines in Friday Night Lights. Probably 12 others I could name, as well.

Mr. Versitility: Duane Davis. Don't know who Duane Davis is? All you need to do is see his photo. He made a career out of roles as a football player. Everything from hard-nosed linebacker (Alvin Mack in The Program) to wide receivers with bad hands (Featherstone in Necessary Roughness) to wide receivers with, well, sure hands (Ronny "Sure Hands" Rawlson in How I Got into College). He also played a high school football player who spent the entire movie in the bathroom in Summer School. Honorable mention: Andrew Bryniarski and Eric Bruskotter.

Duane Davis has been in every football movie ever made

Duane Davis (center) and Andrew Bryniarski (far right), football everymen

Worst portrayals of football players: Joe Kane in The Program. Guess this guy was cast because he looked a little like Joe Montana. But Joe Montana was never this whiny and downright annoying. There also isn't such a thing as a 5-foot-4, 130-pound quarterback Heisman candidate. Honorable mention: Jonathan Moxon (played by Jared van der Beek in Varsity Blues), Tweeder from Varsity Blues. Screw it. The entire cast of Varsity Blues.


Blogger Jo Ellen said...

I didn't know Kathy Ireland was in that movie. I understand that she has writen a book. Can anyone tell me the name of it? Also I think she has childrens books as well, is this also true?
please let me know, thanks

November 16, 2006 4:29 AM 

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