The picks, week 3

The Thursday conference call is over. No word on injuries, we'll have that around 6 p.m. Edsall said the scout team players of the week were Gus Cruz (offense), Tim Wilman (defense) and Malik Generett (special teams). UConn is 15-1 against the MAC since elevating to Division I-A full-time in 2002, which is impressive (bonus to anyone who can name that loss without looking it up)...Edsall said it's nothing more than what he preaches to the team daily -- being consistent in everything they do. I guess beating the tar out of the MAC is born out of that philosophy. Also, Edsall said he hopes to re-issue Jasper Howard's No. 6 to a defensive back next season, but only one who "is worthy of that and I feel can be the kind of player Jazz was."

On to the picks. Be warned. The vending machine here in the office just spit out two packages of M&Ms for the price of one. So I'm feeling kinda lucky...

Game 1: Maryland (+10) over WEST VIRGINIA - The league's lone ranked team needs furious rally to beat Marshall (are they still coached by Matthew McConaughey?) 'Eers didn't do much to disprove cause for national Big East bashing the past two weeks. Need to cover here to save a little face.

Game 2: Arkansas (+2.5) over GEORGIA - Razorbacks kickoff returner needed emergency surgery after suffering a perforated colon. Just typing that made me shudder. Apparently, it was caused by the ball after a big initial hit into the player's abdomen. At least the ball didn't cause the damage the hard way (think the Seinfeld episode with Fusilli Jerry and the proctologist known as the Assman). Tough visuals. Let's just move on...

Game 3: Connecticut (-6) over TEMPLE - Owls were robbed of a victory in 2007 at UConn, then saw the Huskies escape in a monsoon the next season. Al Golden says it's ancient history. Sort of like how Cubs fans have moved on from the Bartman incident.

Game 4: Nebraska (-3) over WASHINGTON - Not buying the Jake Locker/Heisman talk.

Game 5: OREGON STATE (-19.5) over Louisville - James and Jacquizz Rodgers are the difference. Think James is angry his parents didn't give him a cool name, too?

Game 6: AUBURN (+7) over Clemson

Game 7: Texas (-3) over TEXAS TECH - Texas Tech running back Baron Batch (not a stage name. I checked) writes a weekly column for the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal. This week, he gave fans 10 rules for proper trash talking. They include:

3. Don't use a barrage of obscenities — it shows lack of intelligence.

Are you listening, every football coach in America?

4. Trash talk is part of college football so have fun with it.

It's true. Back in the 1870s, Walter Camp wrote trash-talking into his original rules for American football.

6. Be annoying but not an idiot.

Unless you're a born idiot

8. Don't throw things (unless it's hundred dollar bills — OK, I'm joking).

Save those for the strip club after the game

10. Be confident when you talk trash or it makes you look sheepish and cowardly.

So speak up, nerds!

Game 8: Notre Dame (+3) over MICHIGAN STATE - This week, Joe Montana goes to a preschool to debunk the myths of Santa Claus and Dora the Explorer. So Rudy wasn't completely factual. No kidding. Hey Joe, they occasionally take a few liberties in the movies. Ever see Miracle, the story of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team? Like a bunch of college kids could really beat the Soviets. Only in Hollywood!

Game 9: ARIZONA (+1.5) over Iowa - The Wildcats get me pumped up for big things every year, only to letdown. Not this time.

Game 10: Houston (-3) over UCLA - Two constants in college football. 1) Houston running up scores and stats in a blatant attempt to steal a Heisman for an undeserving quarterback; and 2) UCLA will be stunningly mediocre and nondescript.

Game 11: SYRACUSE (-22) over Maine - Not sure if I'm more surprised that Vegas actually has a line for this game, or that's it's just 22 points. (I didn't have to make that spread up, like I usually do for I-AA games).

Game 12: YALE (-10) over Georgetown - Another season of Eli football gets underway at the Yale Bowl. Can you feel the static?

Last week's results

1. Governorphalen: 9-2

Pete 9-2

Gabe 9-2

4. Chip 8-3

sammy 8-3

Uconnbob 8-3

7. ian 7-4

8. gary 6-5

9. vinny 5-6

10. caleb 4-7

11. Bstew 2-9

And the updated standings

1. Chip 14-7-1

Gabe 14-7-1

3. sammy 13-8-1

Pete 13-8-1

5. Ian 12-9-1

Uconnbob 12-9-1

governorphalen 12-9-1

8. Gary 11-10-1

9. vinny 10-11-1

caleb mandrake 10-11-1

11. B-Stew 9-12-1

12. seanO 4-6-1

13. BostonDan 3-7-1